A relative of mine committed suicide the other day and I am compelled to write about this issue in the hope that maybe I could help stop someone from doing the same. I am against this seemingly easy exit strategy as it causes more problems than solutions and there are better ways to deal with issues.
The incident involving this relative happened out of the blue and I noticed the following:
Suicide leaves a lot of unanswered questions
One might think that it is best to take one's life than try to face the world but this becomes the beginning of a huge puzzle for family and friends. Even if one leaves a suicide note, it hardly answers all the questions that people will have. For instance people might ask: why did someone take this route, was there no other route? Did we not provide enough support to this person? Did we not show enough love and care? Is something or someone else the real cause of this decision? Did the victim exhaust all channels to deal with problems? Could we have done better to stop this decision? Etc.
It leaves unresolved issues behind
Taking one's life does not solve the problem that caused it. If someone decides to end their life in one way or the other because of an issue they have failed to solve, the issue still remains unresolved. If however, someone decides to live, face or tackle the issue it could get resolved somehow. The solution could be something unfavourable to the victim or members of family or relatives but it is still a solution. For instance, one could decide to separate from a spouse where their marriage is causing anguish rather than end their life.
It causes pain and suffering to family and friends
This relative of mine did not stop to think about the pain her suicide would cause us and the child that she left behind. It was a selfish act because it seeks to end one's misery at the expense of other people's happiness. The child left behind will always be haunted by this event and will grow up with a distorted view of life. It will also grow up lacking that motherly love and care. The other relatives will always have that burden of living with a guilty conscience that perhaps they could have prevented this. They will also have a burden of raising the child knowing fully well that they can not take the place of a natural mother.
It is therefore necessary that people look at the above negative consequences of suicide and take into account the following alternative ways of dealing with issues:
Talk to someone when you feel suicidal
Talking is therapeutic. In psychology they use what is called-Free Association. This is when a depressed person is asked to talk about all and sundry and through this method, real issues will begin to emerge and hopefully the problem is identified and resolved. Therefore, it is believed that letting it out will help other people assess your situation and be able to identify how they can help. It also becomes apparent that bottling everything up in the hope that a magic solution will pop up only eats at the heart and soul and leaves one with nothing to live for.
Seek professional help or any help
Any help will do at a time of desperation but professional help will solve the problems more effectively. Say for instance that one is battling with relationship issues; it is prudent to seek out others who have insight or experience in that area. Having their input may help bring light where there was total darkness. Also if someone is depressed, it is wise to consult a therapist, counsellor or anyone experienced in dealing with such issues. There is always a way but finding the way might require an expert.
I am therefore still convinced that there is a way out of any difficult situation and that committing suicide is not the solution to problems.
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